To get to that stage however, I have a very strict 3 date rule. Basically, I work on the principle that there are three elements to determining a potential suitor's compatibility, and it is not always possible to assess them on a first date. However, if all the boxes are not being ticked by date 3, there really is no point going on.
First dates can be notoriously difficult. Whilst some elements are immediately obvious (physical attraction, body odour issues, they might be vegetarian*) allowances need to be made for the more subtle aspects of a person's character. There may be nerves to contend with, which can translate to a person being perhaps a little shy, or even the opposite and over compensating, thus coming across as a little arrogant or cocky. Hopefully, by the second date (assuming the first wasn't a complete and utter disaster and there IS a second date) you'll both have relaxed into it a bit and start showing your true colours. However, a second date still forms part of the "interview process" so you are inevitably still going to be on your best behaviour.
Therefore, the all important third date is the cincher. If by the end of the third date you're not imagining the person naked (always assuming of course that you have not already seen them naked) it's probably not going happen and there really is no point wasting any more time on it.
So what are the three elements? Here are my rules.
Date 1: Am I physically attracted to you? If the answer is no at this stage, there really is probably little point in going on.
Date 2: OK, we've established I fancy you. Hopefully its mutual but hey, these are my rules, not yours. Now, have we got anything to talk about? Are we on the same wavelength in terms of intellect, humour, values etc? At this stage we are obviously talking in general terms, but if the answer is no, again, its not going to work so do not pass Go, do not collect £200. Bin it now.
Date 3: Can I imagine introducing you to my kids? To my friends? To my work colleagues? Again, if the answer is no, you're out, sunshine.
But what if the answer is yes? Assuming the poor unsuspecting candidate passes all three of my tests, I will probably now fall in love with him. In fact, I probably already have. No, I definitely have. Just like that. No warning, I dive straight in, eyes closed, probably now brain closed too. Because in fact, very few people have got through the 3 phases above, and so when they do my common sense and reasoning fails and I start planning our future together. In my head, I've already picked out our dinner service pattern, and I know exactly where we are going to hang our framed couple's portrait.
Now fortunately for me, I am also very good at hiding this psychotic behaviour. Mostly in fact, I don't even know I am doing it. I actually start to believe that I really, really want to speedwalk the 20 extra minutes to the station in the freezing cold at 6.45am adding an extra 15 minutes to the already 2 hour plus journey rather than waking the sleeping beauty next to me for a lift. Any sense of my brain telling me "hey EB, you're not really getting much out of this, are you?" is ignored because being the perfect girlfriend means they'll love me, right?
But now, due to some very frank conversations with the lovely (albeit cheating) ex, not to mention some very expensive therapy, I'm seeing the light and realising that I need to be a little (or a lot) more selective and to know when to give it up and walk away. No more flogging the dead horse.
*no offence meant to vegetarians, I just couldn't date one as I have this funny thing about eating together - same meals, same time - and whilst I will apparently willingly give up my own personality, desires, values etc in a relationship, I'm not giving up fillet steak.
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